common online profile phrase: work out X times a week
Well, we have all seen the type – those who are always at the gym doing cardio, day in and day out, year after year, but still have not lost a pound of fat. What happened? I feel for them. (They really should talk to a trainer.)
There is no point to tell me how often you work out. Just show me your clear body pics.
I have never seen fake profiles using pictures of me. I feel so offended!
online profile quote:
Looking for somebody who is down-to-earth. Kind of like my dog. He is down on the earth, rolling, all the time.
I saw this online profile. I copied and saved it, but I forgot where I saw it. If anyone knows who wrote this, please let me know. I would be happy to give him credit.
I should have masturbated hours ago.
Purple people (as well as purple people eaters and purple cows) need not apply. I’m not a purplist – it’s just a preference.
If you send me a wink, I will go into a psychotic frenzy. Please submit an 8 stanza love sonnet, dedicated to me, for consideration.
I do not have a cold (tested 3/08). You shouldn’t either. Snifflers stay away!
I’m only into guys who are HOT. If you don’t know what I mean by “hot”, it’s probably not a match. Mind readers preferred!
If you have baggage, it better be Louis Vuitton.
You unlock first. No, you unlock first. No, you.
If you don’t have pics, you should really be on a phone chat line, not the Internet.
This is my profile on Scruff:
√ It’s touching that so many guys on here pay tribute to Muslim women who can’t show their faces.
√ If your message has below 4 characters, I assume it’s your cat typing. (Those kittens just don’t stop!)
√ If I don’t see a human face, I assume it’s a computer glitch. (A glitch asks to see more pictures, wants to be my friend, and then gets pissed at me for not responding to a glitch!)
√ If you are 18, sending me dick pictures, I assume it’s a police sting operation to catch pedophiles.
√ If you were born after Madonna’s “Like A Virgin,” please send me pictures of your father instead, preferably with a jockstrap, on all 4s, getting spanked. Sorry, greedy me. I’ll settle for shirtless, with a dog collar. Thank you.
√ If you don’t show your age, I assume you are as old as my grandpa. (Geez! You look so good for grandpa’s age!) If you do show your age, adding 5 would be your real age, of course. (Just kidding! ….Or am I?)
√ Straight-acting? Why would you act like you want to eat pussy? What? Oh, you mean acting like a straight girl? OK, that all makes sense now. So straight-acting is like a drag queen without the make-up, the costume and the wig! You go, girl!
√ Ah, the great outdoors! It gives me allergy. Every time I go to a park or out to the nature, I get itches all over my body. I much prefer staying home and watching the Discovery Channel.
√ I don’t PnP. I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t smoke pot or cigarettes. I don’t do poppers. I don’t even drink coffee, Coke, or tea. OMG! I’m so boring!
√ Looking for the man who would make me want to delete this app off my phone because I can’t find the delete button by myself!
√ To those hot sexy guys all over the world, if only you were closer, so you can reject me face-to-face.
√ I don’t take dick/ass pictures of myself. Those are for in-person only, in technicolor, high-definition, and 3D (no funny glasses required). Reach out and touch!
√ Thanks for so many Woofs and compliments. I say this only to create an illusion of being much more popular than I actually am.
√ I don’t have issues. I have subscriptions!
√ I am unique, just like everybody else.
